Ben Roethlisberger needs positive headelines, soon.

Not like this, from USA Today:

Police in Dublin, Ohio, investigated a golf foursome that included Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger after a woman bordering the course alleged that a person in the group had urinated in public.

Dublin police spokesman David Ball told the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that no charges or citations were issued and that Roethlisberger was not the person seen urinating.

"We received a call that said a member of the party urinated on private property," Ball told the paper. "We spoke to the golf course and they agreed to discuss this issue internally with their members."

Roethlisberger, a native of Findlay, Ohio, was suspended 6 games in April for violating the league’s personal-conduct policy. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell ordered Roethlisberger into a behavioral evaluation program and held open the potential for extending the ban if he wasn’t satisfied by Roethlisberger’s progress.

Double Yoy!

I can’t believe this. At all.

And I won’t watch.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

ESPN reported that LeBron James will announce his NBA plans on its network at 8 p.m. Thursday in an hourlong special.

ESPN’s Chris Broussard reported Tuesday night that James’ ”representatives” contacted the network and asked for the unusual arrangement. Broussard reported that ESPN officials confirmed the request but added the network was not told what James’ decision will be.

Both James’ publicist Keith Estabrook and ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz declined comment to the Associated Press.

You have got to be kidding.

For those of you obsessed with LeBron, my sympathies.

I really hope this immense ego does not land in Chicago.

From the L.A. Times:

Phil Jackson said it himself. He’s ready for one last stand.

Energized after a week at his Montana lakeside home, Jackson decided to return for an 11th season with the Lakers, the chance to go for another three-peat outweighing the desire to be merely a spectator next season.

"Count me in," he said Thursday in a statement released by the Lakers. "After a couple of weeks of deliberation, it is time to get back to the challenge of putting together a team that can defend its title in the 2010-11 season. It’ll be the last stand for me, and I hope a grand one."

He provided additional context in a brief e-mail to The Times.

"I got a message from on high … that said, ‘Phil, you’ve got to come back, there is a need to fulfill the prophecy. You know 12 [titles] is a holy number and 11 just doesn’t fill that.…’

"So I listened to my doctors and watched the sunrise and the sunset a few times and voila, I’m back."

The Great Zen Buddhist Coach rides again.

My money’s on a three-peat.

No, they’re not kidding. One hundred people in Black Hawk, Colorado, believe their village would be safer without bicicyles on the streets.

This one comes to us from across the pond:

A town in the US has banned cyclists on most of its streets, punishing anyone who gets caught with a $68 (£46) fine. Black Hawk in Colorado, which has a population of just above 100, is thought to be the first town in the US to make cycling illegal after a change in civic law.

The curious decree has been introduced for "health and safety" reasons, said administrators of the former goldmining town, which in the 1990s decided to develop gambling to prevent the place vanishing altogether.

Michael Copp, Black Hawk’s city manager, the equivalent of chief executive of a local council in the UK, admitted there had not been any accidents to prompt the ban, just concern over potential collisions between motor vehicles and bicycles on 19th-century streets that were designed for horses and carriages.

The town started enforcing the ban on 5 June, five months after it passed the law requiring cyclists to dismount and wheel their bikes through the town. So far eight tickets have been issued, said Copp.

Copp, who does not cycle himself, said the council passed the ordinance after the town experienced a surge in traffic – buses, delivery trucks, and motorists – following a law that increased the maximum betting limits from $5 to $100 once it chose gambling as its raison d’etre.

No accidents. And this gamble-happy hamlet apparently consulted no experts, no national studies. Just did away with two-wheelers.

Oy.

Two Naperville men face Class 4 felony charges because of the way they allegedly chose to celebrate the Chicago Blackhawks Stanley Cup victory.

From the Sun-Times:

A Naperville man and his son caught the unexpected attention of police as the men allegedly celebrated the Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory by firing rounds from an assault rifle into the ground behind their home.

Mark W. Steinbrecher, 54, and his son Mark S. Steinbrecher, 20, were wearing shirts embossed with Blackhawks and Stanley Cup insignia when their booking photographs were taken at the Naperville police station. Both men face Class 4 felony charges of reckless discharge of a firearm.

Police Cmdr. Dave Hoffman said patrol officers were sent at 12:40 a.m. to the Steinbrechers’ house on Naperville’s far southwest side. A neighbor called 911 to report "a subject in the backyard firing a weapon,” Hoffman said.

I don’t understand.

The Chicago Blackhawks drink from Lord Stanley’s Cup, ending professional hockey’s longest drought. Patrick Kane sealed the slim 4-3 overtime victory with a slam that just kissed net after passing under Flyers goalie Michael Leighton. After brief hesitation while officials and television comentators comprehended the winning goal, fans at Park Forest’s Holiday Star Theater, and throughout the rest of the Chicagoland area, erupted in cheers.

Chicago drinks the cup again at last.

Richard Roeper had the honor summarizing the game at the Sun-Times:

Victory!

The enigmatic half-smile of Chief Blackhawk has widened to a full-out expression of joy. OK, so there might be a few teeth missing in that smile in honor of Duncan Keith, but oh what a satisfying grin it is.

Let that signature horn of victory blare deep into the night, as Chicago celebrates its first major championship in a half-decade, brought to us by the best team in their sport — a team that outlasted, outsmarted and outplayed Nashville, Vancouver, San Jose and finally, Philadelphia, home of the nastiest fans and the most weirdly-bearded players in all of hockey.

It seemed as if the playoff marathon lasted nearly as long as the regular season. (Do the Bears kick-off tomorrow?) When it was finally over, there was one team left standing, one team hoisting the fabled Stanley Cup. After decades of watching the Oilers and the Islanders and the Red Wings and the Penguins and so many other franchises have their day, it’s finally Chicago’s turn.

Let “Chelsea Dagger” and “Here Come the Hawks” play until your iPod explodes and your ears bleed.

Rattle your windows as if you were a fan in the front row celebrating a goal by Patrick Kane or a bell-ringing hit by Dusty Byfuglien.

Drink out of your own cup to celebrate the first Stanley Cup to be claimed by the Chicago Blackhawks since John F. Kennedy was a freshly minted president, Roger Maris was making a run at Babe Ruth’s single season home run record and a band called the Beatles was performing for the first time at the Cavern Club.

At this moment, it doesn’t matter if you’re an Original Six diehard who saw Bobby Hull and Stan Mikita skate in the glory days, or a newbie whose feet still feel the sting from jumping on the bandwagon. You have the right to cheer as much as you want for as long as you want.

More from the Sun-Times:

Brian Hamilton had the honors at the Chicago Tribune:

Patrick Kane streaked down ice, threw his stick and his helmet into the air and soon was mobbed by a horde of exultant Blackhawks.

At the other end of the ice, no one was quite sure where the puck had gone. The Flyers stood motionless and still by the net. And in short order the verdict came: A half-century of agony had ended.

Kane, the superlative 21-year-old winger, scored 4:10 into overtime of Game 6 at the Wachovia Center on Wednesday, and that made the Blackhawks 4-3 winners and Stanley Cup champions for the first time since 1961.

“I knew it went in right away,” Kane said. “What a feeling. I can’t believe it. We just won the Stanley Cup. I can’t believe this just happened. … It’s something you dream about, scoring the final goal in the Stanley Cup finals.”

Kane scooped up the puck along the wall and flung it toward the net, and it zipped past Michael Leighton and in on the far side of the goal — such a blisteringly quick score that officials reviewed it just to make sure. Once they did, the celebration was on in earnest.

“I was just hoping to God it was just an actual goal,” said captain Jonathan Toews, the Conn Smythe Trophy winner as playoff MVP. “They came back hard in the third and we just stuck with it.”

As captain, Toews received the honor of being the first to hoist the Stanley Cup. Next was Marian Hossa, who finally won a title after near-misses with Pittsburgh and Detroit.

“There’s so many great things about winning a Stanley Cup. This is it,” Toews said. “This is the best feeling you can ever get. I just can’t believe it’s happened.”

More from the Trib here.

The Tribune reports that the Blackhawks’ victory parade will begin at 10:30 a.m. Friday at Wacker and Washington, and proceed east to Wacker and Michigan, where a rally will be held at 11:30 a.m.

The Chicago Cubs now stand alone with the longest drought in sports history.

Yes, just had to slip that in.

Ugh.

Here’s the scoop (sorry about that):

A New Jersey man is facing charges after police say he intentionally vomited on an 11-year-old girl and her father in the stands during a Phillies game.

Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was arraigned Friday on charges stemming from his behavior at Wednesday night’s Phillies-Nationals game. Police say Clemmens made himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and his daughter after a companion was kicked out for unruly behavior.

The plea:

Matthew Clemmens of Cherry Hill, N.J., pleaded guilty today to charges stemming from the incident at a Phillies-Nationals game on April 14.

Police say Clemmens stuck his fingers down his throat and vomited on Easton police Captain Michael Vangelo and his daughter after Clemmens’ companion was ejected from the park.

And the dude:

Enough said.

Go Hawks!

Want to see the Blackhawks bigger than life? The Holiday Star Theater will be showing will be showing Stanley Cup finals offs on the real big screen. There is FREE ADMISSION, with an optional pizza/wing/snack buffet available for $10.00.

Seating is limited to the FIRST 100 people. A refundable reservation fee of $5.00 per person is required, which will be refunded upon arrival day of the event.

All reservations will be held until 10 minutes before game. Call the theater offfice line for further details at 708-283-9098.

That just sounds too cool.

The theater is under new owndership and has literally been transformed. Theater 5 has been completely gutted, cleaned, and put back together with fresh new seats, a great sound system, and all theaters have new projectors.

This should be quite the treat.

And, yes, GO HAWKS!

To haters of Sidney “The Kid” Crosby everywhere, take a look at that photo above and just drool.

At Lord Stanley’s Cup, or The Kid, whatever…

The Pittsburgh Penguins were eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs tonight by a team that played hard, inspired hockey. The Montreal Canadiens shut down the Penguins and earned a victory in what has turned out to be the very last hockey game at the erstwhile Civic Arena, a.k.a. The Igloo.

The Canadiens played solid hockey. They beat the Penguins. Fair and square.

But the Pens had possession of Lord Stanley’s Cup for one year solid, and they earned that too, fair and square, in one of the most exciting “Game Sevens” in hockey history.

That’s my opinion.

I don’t understand Sid Haters. A few surfaced tonight on Facebook. Do they envy his success? His youth? His stamina? Do they suffer from “Cup Envy?”

Who knows.

I salute the Pittsburgh Penguins, and wish them a good rest in the off-season. In my lifetime, I have enjoyed THREE Stanley Cup victories by the Pittsburgh Penguins. And I thank them for that.

Did I say “THREE?”

Yes, I did.

Face it, Sid Haters: “The Kid” slept with Lord Stanley’s Cup.

How many times has your team lofted The Cup, let alone slept with it?

Thank you to the Pittsburgh Penguins.

The best is yet to come!

From the Chicago Tribune:

So long Canucks, hello Sharks.

On the strength of their third consecutive victory on enemy ice Tuesday night, the Blackhawks advanced to the Western Conference finals for the second season in a row as they defeated the Canucks 5-1 to close out the best-of-seven semifinal series 4-2.

The Game 6 triumph sets up a matchup of the top two teams in the conference with the winner going to the Stanley Cup finals.

Getting past the Canucks didn’t prove easy, but the Hawks dispatched them in six games for the second consecutive season as Troy Brouwer, Kris Versteeg, Dave Bolland, Patrick Kane and Dustin Byfuglien scored goals while Antti Niemi got the better of fellow goaltender Roberto Luongo to earn the victory.

Will it be the Hawks and the Pens in the finals?

The Penguins play tonight.

Time will tell…

I never make predictions, but I cheer like a madman.

Go Pens!

Congrats to the Hawks!

I bought my Ben Roethlisberger shirt from this vendor several years ago, and bought one for my son.  Trouble is, I don’t want to wear it any more, considering how Big Ben has behaved recently. The man is a spoiled rich kid, nothing more.

My brother has already shredded his Number 7 shirt, didn’t even want to give it to Goodwill.  Did not want to see it on the streets.

What should I do with mine?

Watch the newest ‘History Will Be Made’ Commercial featuring Pittsburgh Penguins goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury.

Jonathan Toews scored a power-play goal to cap a wild first period, and the Chicago Blackhawks held on for a 5-3 victory Monday night over Nashville and advanced to the Western Conference semifinals for the second straight year.

The Blackhawks won the final three games of the series, setting up a second-round matchup with the Vancouver Canucks for the second consecutive season. Chicago hasn’t lost a Game 6 with the chance to eliminate an opponent since 1995.

Nashville has been eliminated in all five of its postseason appearances on home ice.

Well, Nashville still has Graceland. And those ducks.

Go Hawks!

And Go Penguins!

From GLAAD:

GLAAD has learned from a source that wishes to remain anonymous that sponsors of the Stars on Ice Tour, which include Smuckers and IMG Entertainment, have refused to allow 3-time US National Champion and 2-time Olympian Johnny Weir to participate because they claim that he is “not family friendly.”

To say that Weir is “not family friendly” would be a clear jab at his perceived sexual orientation. Weir is extremely involved with his family. He is putting his younger brother through college, and supports the family financially because his father’s disability prohibits him from working. Weir’s dedication to his family can be clearly documented in the Sundance series, Be Good Johnny Weir, which follows him and his family and friends through his life and career as a championship skater.

Catch that again: Weir is “putting his younger brother through college, and supports the family financially because his father’s disability prohibits him from working.”

So it goes.

In the latest incident, a 20-year-old woman attending Georgia College & State University in Milledgeville, near Mr. Roethlisberger’s off-season home, is the alleged victim, according to Milledgeville police Deputy Chief Richard Malone.

"We had a sexual assault report," Deputy Chief Malone said during a news conference Friday night. "It is alleged that he was the perpetrator."

Mr. Roethlisberger and his legal team have emphatically denied the accusations in the Nevada case but have not come out as strongly in the latest incident.

Late Friday afternoon, the quarterback’s agent, Ryan Tollner, issued a statement:

"Last night, Ben and his friends met a group of women and everyone mingled together throughout the evening. We have spoken to law enforcement.

"Based on information currently available, an allegation was made against Ben, which appeared to be dismissed after a preliminary investigation last night.

"Obviously, given the prior accusation against Ben, we are skeptical of motive, but we will continue to cooperate with everyone involved."

Here’s the strange part:

The incident report indicates that the victim was with two female friends, ages 19 and 20. Mr. Roethlisberger’s name is obscured, but the "offender" is listed as 6-feet-5 and 241 pounds with brown hair and eyes.

241 pounds? Why not 240 pounds? Why not "between 240 and 250 pounds?" Why is "241" the magic number?

Could it have something to do with the official NFL profile of Big Ben? From NFL.com:

Ben Roethlisberger | #7 | QB
Pittsburgh Steelers | Official Team Site

Height: 6-5   Weight: 241   Age: 28
Born: 3/2/1982 Lima , OH
College: Miami (Ohio)
Experience: 7th season
High School: Findlay HS [OH]

Nailing Ben’s weight exactly is quite the coincidence.

Quite.