Category: Humor

Have You Seen The Whitehouse on the Web?

June 8, 2007
HumorRepublicans
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If you missed it, you really should drop by The White House: Officious Website of President George W. Bush, at whitehouse.org. Among other gems, this page offers up to date satire. Today’s news specifies that today is June 8, “in the Year of America’s Lord Jesus Christ 2007.”

It’s worth the trip over. Among today’s headlines:

President Bush Rigorously Defends Immigration Bill to His Rapidly Imploding Base of Xenophobic Crackers

THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Today I want to take a minute to gab atcha about the new bipartisan immigration bill which I’m betting the farm will be the only part of my legacy that isn’t a big sloppy shit sandwich.

It looks like the site gets updated whenever the writer(s) get the urge, but what they have up there is clever.

The Right-Wing Media Must Be Idiots

March 16, 2007
HumorRantRepublicans
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Matt DrudgeThe right-wing media must be idiots, and their readership not much better.

Now they’re comparing King George II Bush to Bill Clinton: we should not pay any attention to White House involvement in the firing of 8 U.S. attorneys because Bill Clinton did the same thing. In fact, Bill Clinton fired all U.S. attorneys!

Salon.com tells the tale:

From the Drudge Report to the Fox News Channel to the Wall Street Journal editorial page, the usual suspects are shrieking in unison:

Bill Clinton fired a lot of U.S. attorneys too! In fact Clinton was worse because he fired all of them at once! And the Democrats didn’t complain when Clinton did the same thing!

What’s very sad is that the mainstream media just picks this nonsense up and runs it. Here we are with Blame Bill Part XLI, and the “responsible” media doesn’t seem to get it. I suppose it’s much easier to simply report what other people have said on their blogs or websites than it would be to actually go out and investigate whether anything at all on any particular website is the least bit true or hopelessly full of shit.

And why anyone would publish anything Matt Drudge says without checking for veracity first is beyond the scope of reason. Nothing from Drudge, a gay man who backs the gay bashers, should not be taken at face value.

And yet, the song remains the same.? The “Right” speaks, and the mainstream media publishes as if everything that trickles off a blog is a press release.

What a country.

“Hi! I’m Art Buchwald, and I just died.”

January 19, 2007
Humor
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Art Buchwald

I remember reading the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette when I was in grade school and high school. After returning from delivering the paper in the morning, I’d sit down at the dining room table with a bowl of cereal and read Art. He was incredible. He took me through the Nixon years, the Ford years. He explained national and world events more clearly than the front page ever did. The world is insane, and that’s all there is to it. Art was just stating the obvious, while the rest of the reporters played, “The Emperor Has No Clothes,” and took the world all too seriously.

“I never made the Enemies list, and it’s my biggest hurt to this day,” he said in his online obituary with the New York Times. Incredible. He credits Richard Nixon with making him rich. “I am not a crook made me rich,” he said.

He introduced me to satire, and I was captivated.

Somewhere in college I got too serious. I lost touch with Art. I “grew up” and tried to understand it all. I studied philosophy and flirted with the idea of becoming a Catholic priest. I wrote a very serious Master’s thesis on the Psalms of Lamentation. I left the seminary and started teaching. Theology.

And I started laughing again.

But I never caught up with Art, again. We had lost touch. Chicago papers don’t carry Art. They’re too serious. They’re obsessed with bad politicians and Silver Shovels and roped off elevators. And I never even bothered to look him up online. Turns out he was still at it:

Zeroing In on a Trillion (By Art Buchwald, January 2, 2007, Page C02)

So Many Cards, So Little Thought (By Art Buchwald, December 28, 2006, Page C08)

I’ll miss my old friend. He helped shape who I am like no teacher ever did. He first taught me to laugh at this crazy world. He made me feel good in spite of it all. The Professor of Satire is gone.

Lamentation?! Save me, Art!

He wrote this column for The Washington Post, with the intention that it be published after his death. He closed it thus:

I know it’s very egocentric to believe that someone is put on Earth for a reason. In my case, I like to think I was. And after this column appears in the paper following my passing, I would like to think it will either wind up on a cereal box top or be repeated every Thanksgiving Day.

So, “What’s it all about, Alfie?” is my way of saying goodbye.

Farewell, my friend.

Amazing that This Man Is President

October 24, 2006
HumorRepublicans
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Bush at YouTube

With all of the hype about Barack Obama possibly running in 2008, it pays to spend some time considering the current POTUS. I’m amazed that this man actually was elected President of the United States, Governor of Texas, or once owned a major league baseball team. Watch these brief excerpts and laugh, and weep, and then laugh again.? Where have we gone wrong as a nation? How much thought does the electorate put into voting? Contrast President Bush with Obama at the Democratic National Convention in 2004. Weep for the present. Hope for the future.

Barack Obama at the DNC 2004 convention

Jeb Bush In The Closet

October 7, 2006
HumorRepublicans
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Gov. Bush coming out of the closetFlorida Governor Jeb Bush visited Pittsburgh, PA, Friday for a fund-raiser for Sen. Rick Santorum. Bush was making his way to the Duquesne Club, a posh, private club in Downtown Pittsburgh. Membership is by “invitation only.” If you have to ask how much membership costs, well, you probably won’t be asked to join.

The closest I ever came seeing anything like it was watching 1983’s Trading Places, with Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy.

At any rate, as Bush approached the club, he had a close encounter with a group of anti-Republican protesters. The protesters were on their way to join other protesters already gathered in front of the club.

Protesters say Gov. Bush “blew them a kiss,” which was enough to thrill the group of about 30 protesters that was made up of United Steelworkers, and members of a group called Uprise Counter Recruitment, whose website says they are, “…a tour of mid-west and mid-Atlantic states aimed at advancing regional counter-recruitment efforts and linking the issues of war and military recruitment to corporate globalization and environmental sustainability. The Tour consists of a dozen activists traveling via a bio-diesel bus to cities both large and small.” They have teamed up with Iraq Veterans Against the War and Alive In Baghdad. Alive in Baghdad “shows the occupation through the voices of Iraqis.”

It was this distinguished group, then, that Gov. Bush blew a kiss to on a street in Pittsburgh.

The group drew nearer, shouting, “Jeb, go home.”

The governor made a retreat to a nearby T-station, an entry to Pittsburgh’s subway. The protesters followed Bush into the station, so Mr. Bush descended the escalators to the mezzanine level. At this point, Mr. Bush found himself surounded by signs that read, “Pittsburgh is a Santorum Free Zone,” and, “Honk if you’re sick of Rick.” “We don’t want you here,” protesters chanted.

Some days it just doesn’t pay to be born with a silver spoon in your mouth.

The situation apparently became very tense. Approximately 75 protesters had gathered on the street. They were asked to disperse, and did not. Two protesters were tased by two officers from a Port Authority canine unit.

As a precaution, the governor was ushered into a T-station supply closet. He reportedly remained there until the crowd dispersed.

Pittsburgh police, monitoring the front of the Duquesne Club, said the protesters were peaceful, and did not respond, and apparently were not asked to respond to the incident at the T-station.

The entire incident lasted approximately 5 minutes, after which Gov. Bush came out of the closet.